Don’t Tase Me Bro
“Don’t tase me bro”, I don’t ever want to be in a situation where I have to use those words. The concept that people should not tase me goes without saying. Where it goes, I don’t know. And yet, I must admit that there are situations where a taser could come in handy. I don’t mean in extreme self-defence situations, I mean in normal everyday situations.
Like at work. The other day, the discussion in the meeting room almost came to fisticuffs. Two grown men in suits, almost ready to lose their ties. Would I not have ever loved to take out my device: BUZZ! BUZZ!, and discussion done. Anyone else have anything to add? I thought so.
Then there are the unruly customers, them folk who think that the no-name-brand blender they bought should do more than blend. They become far too comfortably expressive at the return counter. Humans don’t come with volume control, nor with spit weather thermostats. There is only so much such entertainment I can consume, ample time for the taser to warm up, then BUZZ! Don’t forget your receipt on your way out, and please come again (or not).
These are just a couple of examples. My imagination, of course, has many many more. And yet my sympathetic and compassionate self overshadows the rest of me. Thus, I present the Relaxor. This device mirrors the Taser in shape and size, but the modus operandi reflects differently. Instead of jolting electric shocks into victims, the Relaxor soothes and relaxes. The buzzing sounds and electric discharge visuals are optional.
Fight breaking out? Break out the Relaxor. Customers getting out of hand? Bring them back in with the Relaxor.
The advantage with the Relaxor, though, is that one may use it on themselves to settle into a state of relaxation. I wonder if people can overdose on relaxation.